In reply to: “Is Father’s Day outdated?
Father’s Day has always aroused a mixture of emotions in Americans. However, instead of letting it get us down and ponder the ‘father’ that might not be there, we should celebrate the people who have filled that role in our lives.
While some argue that Father’s Day reminds men that they do not have children, the day serves as a reminder to cherish the father figures that we've had in our lives. The day was not meant to be a day of mourning the children that you don't have, nor the biological father that is not in your life. Father’s Day is meant to be a day of celebrating the father-like figures that have made a positive difference in our lives. While it can be difficult to wish you had children and not have them, perhaps you could consider being a father figure to a child who has no father.
Father’s Day can be a painful day for those who have had not the best experiences with their fathers. This includes abuse, broken relationships, toxic masculinity, and innumerable others. Those negative feelings are completely valid. You should not have to, and do not have to celebrate Father’s Day, nor the father figures that have caused you pain. You have the freedom to celebrate whoever you feel has positively filled this role in your life.
It can be difficult to not have a father on Father’s Day, and the same applies for Mother’s Day. Nevertheless, while I understand that the pain that would be felt on a day like this if your biological parent is not in the picture, there is nothing about the holiday that excludes the individuals who have filled these roles that are not related to you. For example, single mothers have been filling the role of fathers for centuries, and their children have recognized this, using Father’s Day as another occasion to showcase their love for their mother. In 2016, Time Magazine published an article titled, “Dear Mom: Happy Father’s Day”. In this article, Megan Lasher writes about how she grew up with just her sister and mother and how her mother filled the role of both mother and father, wishing her a happy Father’s Day. She isn’t the only one. It is a familiar story to millions of Americans about growing up without a father, but instead of relishing in that loss, focusing on the love that they received from their mother.
Along similar lines of exclusion, some claim that Father’s Day reinforces gender stereotypes, cutting women out of the equation. They are proposing a “parent’s day” in replacement of both Father’s Day and Mother’s Day in hopes of being all inclusive. While I can see why that would be an appealing alternative, sometimes it is important to celebrate unique roles.
Fathers used to be seen pushing the role of parenting onto the mothers while they went to work, but that is not the case anymore. In fact, recent studies have shown that father’s have spent three times as much time with their children in 2016 than they did in 1965. Men are becoming less of the, “sole breadwinner” in the family and are sharing the role of parenting with their partners.
Balance really is key. Even to this day my father works long hours and my mother is a stay at home mom. While that is frowned upon by a vast majority, it works for us. Never have I felt as though my father never helped out around the house or wasn’t a part of raising me. Though he wasn’t around as many hours in a day as my mother, he still pulls his weight around the house. As I am sure many children in similar positions are familiar, he, “puts the food on the table”.
All in all, Father’s Day was created to be a celebration of father figures. Celebrate the men in your life who have made a positive difference, but don’t stop there! If your mother(s) just so happens to fill that role of being “dad”, then who is to say that you can’t celebrate her twice a year? Who is to say we can’t celebrate the important people in our life every day? Father’s Day means something different to everyone. Don’t let it be a day of mourning the lack of a mourning the person that may not be in your life, rather, let’s celebrate the people that we do have!
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